Watch your thoughts, they become your words...

Lately I have found myself in direct relationship with the parts of me I would not dare want anyone to witness.

Anxiety spirals in, latching onto narratives that keep a steady hypervigilance. It's no wonder I feel so exhausted today.

Once anxiety settles enough, shame slowly but surely makes her way to the forefront of my experience. Narratives that sound something like: I should be different by now. I shouldn't react this way. I should be better, more regulated, more, better, more.....

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As I journaled today and reflected on the purpose of The Selah Collective; because with anything I love, tending to it means reflecting on the purpose and if we need to change course or scrap it altogether. **this is something new for me, as I was taught to stick with (insert commitment: work, relationship, etc) even when it feels outdated.

As I journaled I began articulating a purpose even I STILL struggle with:

a space to be witnessed (especially the parts of us we want to hide, ESPECIALLY)

Why is this important for healing within the context of systems work (like caregiving, service leadership, education)? Well from an internal family systems theory lens (a theory/framework I am particularly biased towards), it's imperative to create space for what are called the 'exiled' parts. These parts of us are often burdened by shame and fear. Meaning these parts carry some core beliefs and if you know anything about CBT (cognitive behavioral theory) or even if you don't:

All contributing to actions!

Or as Lao Tzu said so eloquently, "Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny"

So back to the exiles. When we ignore the parts of us that love to stay hidden (yet will remain in the driver seat when we are dysregulated) we perpetuate harm to ourselves and others; ultimately creating the same outcomes we are trying to change or stop altogether like disproportionate outcomes and burnout.

When we create space for the exiles to be witnessed with compassion, because as Dr. Becky says 'understanding is NOT the same as endorsing', we invite healing, integration, and coherence into the system.

This work is already happening, and I am not here to say that The Selah Collective's mission is brand new to the scene.

Elena Aguilar’s Transformational Coaching Framework does really vital work with beliefs and emotions in the educational coaching sphere. It creates space for the parts of us, like doubt, fear, or resistance, that often get pushed away. From that space of being witnessed, real shifts can happen. The Teaching Well is another beautiful example, calling educators and administrators to heal in both self and community as a way to move toward collective sustainability.

And although The Selah Collective isn’t something entirely new to the scene, it still holds deep value and purpose. For me, it’s about creating a restorative container, a space that isn’t rushed. A space where you can peel back the layers, slowly or quickly. Where care isn’t conditional. Where those who often go unspoken for, the ones holding so much, get to be held, to be witnessed.

Because when we create space to feel seen in our most tender, messy, even icky parts, that’s where real healing begins. And that kind of healing doesn’t just live inside of us; it ripples out. It reshapes how we lead, how we connect, and how we build systems that honor humanity from the inside out.

Thank you for being here. From my gratitude, anxiety, shame, to yours. I SEE YOU.

xo chels